How to Talk To A Narcissist – A Guide For Men

Who is a narcissist? Where do I learn how to talk to a narcissist? How do I know I am dealing with a narcissist? Is there a cure for narcissism? If you are looking for answers to these and more questions, this article is for you.

My name is Sean Galla, and I have been an online support group facilitator for over a decade. During this time, I have overseen numerous support groups, including facilitating narcissist support groups for male survivors of narcissistic abuse. Part of the work we do in our support group is to educate our members about narcissism, including the different types.

In this article, I will cover everything you need to know about narcissistic personality disorder.

How to Talk to a Narcissist: Who is a Narcissist?

A narcissist has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a mental health condition characterized by an unusually high sense of superiority. A narcissist is a person who thrives on attention and lacks empathy. Narcs are self-involved and don’t understand or care about the feelings of others.

Behind the bravado is a person with low self-esteem, uncertain of their self-worth, and easily triggered by criticism. Narcissism is a spectrum, with individuals falling at different points. The cause of NPD is unknown, but it could be:

•       Excessive praise or criticism from parents
•       Certain inherited personality traits
•       Neurobiology (how your brain and nervous system work) may play a role.

People with narcissistic behaviors can be very charming and likable, especially at the beginning of a relationship, making it difficult to identify narcissistic abuse.

Selfish individuals like to reinforce their self-image by surrounding themselves with people who boost their ego. Some narcissistic characteristics include:

• High sense of self-importance
• Preoccupied with success, beauty, and power 
• Sense of entitlement
• They only want to be around people with high status
• Arrogant
• Lack of empathy
• Exploitative
• Envious of others or convinced that other people are jealous of them
• Exploitative

Learn how to stop being a narcissist in this article.

Why is Communication with a Narcissist Difficult?

Due to their self-centered nature, narcissists disregard others’ opinions. Here are some of the reasons why it’s challenging to communicate with a narc:

They dominate conversations

Since a narcissist is self-centered, they want to dominate conversations. They focus on their interests and have no regard for your opinion. When you talk to a narc, it may appear like they are paying attention and may even consider your point of view. However, they will direct the subject to one they want to discuss.

Frequent interruptions

It isn’t easy to converse with someone who keeps interrupting you. People with narcissistic tendencies do not think twice about interrupting you mid-conversation. They use interruption to steer the conversation’s focus back to them.

They lack empathy

Empathy is crucial for building relationships and requires considering other people’s perspectives. Narcissists struggle to form healthy relationships because they lack empathy.

They idolize material wealth

Narcissists idolize material wealth. They assert their superiority by bragging and showing off their material wealth for validation. They post a lot on social media platforms, exaggerating their achievements to make everyone admire them. Underneath the bragging lies deep insecurities because of their low self-esteem and inner emptiness.

They are manipulative

Narcissists manipulate using love bombing, flattery, and false promises. They also use blame games, criticism, and deception. They act like victims, exploit others, and see people as extensions of themselves to use as they please.

Being in a Relationship with a Narcissist 

Discovering you are in a narcissistic relationship is overwhelming. A narc lures you with their fake persona, and by the time you realize they have narcissistic traits, it’s too late. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is not easy, and you may encounter some of the following things.

Gaslighting

Because the narcissist is very manipulative, they will gaslight you. Gaslighting is when your partner denies things that you know are true. A narcissist will make you question your reality by denying an event did not happen, while it did.

The narc will twist events to suit their narrative, making you second-guess yourself and wonder if you are crazy. The narcissist will often do this in front of other people, who will think you are the problem. It’s difficult for others to see the narcissistic abuse because your partner is charming to everyone else.

Difficult Conversations

Conversations with your partner become impossible and end in arguments. The narc constantly interrupts you and disregards your opinions. Your partner may also keep pushing your buttons, hoping to trigger an emotional reaction. Controlling your emotions gives them great satisfaction. You prefer to evade conversations to avoid the constant mind games.

Blame games

Narcissists’ sense of self-importance makes them feel they can do no wrong. They never apologize as they don’t consider you an equal. The narc blames everyone for everything, even their own mistakes. If your narcissistic partner apologizes, it’s because they have something to gain.

Criticism

A narcissist lacks empathy, and your partner may constantly criticize your appearance. They comment on your clothes, weight, or hairstyle, making fun of you in private and public. The narc also ridicules others about their looks or wealth, especially those they believe are inferior to them. Overall, they have a highly critical attitude towards everyone.

How to Talk to a Narcissist: Setting Boundaries 

Part of learning how to deal with a narcissist includes learning how to set boundaries whether it is with a narcissistic parent, family member, spouse, friend, or co-worker. This helps to protect you from their selfish behavior. Set clear boundaries and stand your ground when they disregard them.

Say no to manipulation

Dealing with a narcissist is tough, as they manipulate others for their selfish gain. If a narcissist fails to keep their end of an agreement, remind them of their commitment and stand your ground if they push back.  Their behavior is not your fault, so don’t allow them to make you feel guilty.

Refuse to engage them

A grandiose narcissist may belittle others in your presence. They put on a show to boost their ego and feel superior. Refraining from joining them is essential as it gives them the power to do the same to you and implies that you condone their behavior.

Demand for respect

Narcs will disregard everyone’s opinion except theirs. If you feel unheard, set boundaries and demand they respect your opinion. This will help you feel valued in the relationship.

Ask for space when necessary

Self-care includes getting some personal space when you feel stressed or suffocated. Tell the narcissist you need some space when necessary and do something that makes you feel good, like reading, journaling, etc.

How to Talk to a Narcissist: Effective Communication

To effectively communicate with someone with NPD, you should do the following:

Be Direct

Narcissists focus on themselves and their needs. You have to be clear and direct when you communicate with a narcissist. Give them facts and avoid giving them extra details.

Set clear boundaries

Narcissists manipulate or dominate conversations to subjects that suit them. A narcissist may try to speak louder or interrupt you. The nature of a narcissist is to disregard everyone’s needs except theirs. Setting clear boundaries helps you avoid narcissistic manipulation.

Don’t let them intimidate you

A narcissist has a penetrating and intense stare that is intimidating. A narcissist will maintain direct eye contact, searching for weaknesses and insecurities they can use to control you. Do not let a narcissist’s stare intimidate you.

Do not react emotionally

Narcissists struggle with emotional management. Avoid getting emotional when communicating with a narc, especially if they enjoy getting a reaction out of you.

Take a break if necessary. While it’s acceptable to express emotions, it’s best to avoid doing so when dealing with a narcissist who may use this information for manipulation or emotional blackmail.

Don’t Defend or explain

Do not waste your time defending your truth to a narcissist who refuses to understand you. Don’t explain yourself to the narcissist. Protect your peace of mind by avoiding serious discussions with a self-centered narc.

Seek help

If you find it difficult to communicate with a narcissistic person, seek professional help. A mental health professional will advise you on how to deal with the narc.

Join a Support Group

Men’s Group is a men-only support forum that offers resources and meetings to anyone dealing with a narcissistic person in their life. With the proper support, anyone can grow, heal, and change. In the right support group, you will learn valuable skills on how to talk to a narcissist effectively. 

You will join a group with other men who have dealt with narcissists and understand your situation. This gives you a free and safe space to share and learn from others who have walked your path before. With the support of fellow men, you can overcome your trauma and lead a healthy, successful, and happy life.

How to Talk to a Narcissist: Conclusion

If you are dealing with a narcissistic female loved one, you need to learn how to communicate with them effectively. Narcs lack empathy and only think of themselves, so you must know self-awareness and how to protect yourself from their manipulation tactics.

A group like Men’s Group offers you a platform where you can inspire others and get support. A support group provides a safe space where you meet people who are willing to guide you through the process of effectively communicating with narcissists.