Do we have enough sex as a couple? Is our sex life normal? How often should we have sex as a couple? Why are we not having enough sex as a married couple? How often do married couples have sex? If you often ask yourself these questions, this article is for you.
Hi. My name is Sean Galla. I have been facilitating online support groups, including sex support groups for married men, for more than 10 years. One of the most common misconceptions amongst married men in my group revolves around sex. Most men are unsure about the frequency of sex amongst married couples, while others are stuck in sexless marriages, assuming it is normal.
If you are a man with questions about sexual frequency in marriage, finding reliable advice and information is the best way to learn how to navigate sex in marriage. Here is everything you need to know about sex and marriage.
How often do married couples have sex? This article seeks to answer this and other questions men struggle with regarding sex in marriage.
Table of Contents:
Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
For any relationship to thrive, there needs to be physical and emotional intimacy. For most men, physical intimacy supersedes emotional intimacy as men use sex to connect to their significant other and look at a healthy sex life as a happy relationship.
When in a long-term relationship, sex is one-way couples can reconnect. According to clinical psychologists, the brain releases chemicals during sex that enhance the bond between two individuals. Sex therapists and psychologists also note that sex is more than just mating. It includes cuddling, manual and oral stimulation, and sharing and fulfilling one another’s sexual fantasies. Therefore, sexual satisfaction amongst married people should be weighed on more factors than just a magic number.
Before you obsess about the frequency of intercourse in your marriage, sex researchers say that interpersonal warmth and satisfaction are more important in a marriage than the number of times a couple has sex. However, studies also show a strong connection between sex, good mood, affection, and well-being.
Mutual respect is also an essential aspect of any happy marriage. When partners have mutual respect, they report having a more fulfilling sex life.
If you are content with the number of times you and your wife have sex, then it is safe to say that you have the right amount of sex for your needs. Trying to push sex frequency in your marriage to match other American adults may decrease your desire for sex or how much you enjoy it.
On the other hand, you can also read our article Wife Has No Sex Drive What Can I Do.
How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex – The Statistics
While married couples are often advised not to compare their marriage to other people’s, it is natural for couples to want to know how they measure when comes to sex frequency compared to other couples, and whether they are enjoying the full benefits of sex. Sometimes, a couple may realize they are having less sex compared to their peers, only to realize that their sex life is better than most people’s.
One of the most common ways couples measure their sex life is by looking at national statistics. A 2017 study showed that Americans in their 20s, whether married or not, were having sex at least 80 times a year. This is more than once a week.
In a 2018 General Social Survey, 660 couples were asked to share details of their sex life, including how often they have engaged in intercourse over the last year.
From these numbers:
- 25% of the participants had sex at least once a week
- 21% engaged in sex a few times a week
- 19% had sex two to three times per month
- 17% had sex once a month
- 7% had sex once or twice in the past year
- 10% had not engaged in any form of sexual activity in the past year
Another study done in 2019 on 35,000 couples showed that 50% of the coupled interviewed had sex less than once every week. In 2021, a study showed that American couples have less sex compared to the numbers from ten years ago.
While the frequency of sex in a marriage is believed to be directly related to how happy a marriage is, a statistic from a study done on more than 30,000 respondents shows that couples that engage in frequent sex are not necessarily happier than couples who have less sex.
In terms of factors that need to be improved to improve sexual desire and the frequency of sex, most couples said getting more quality time with their partner, love, romance, more fun, and less stress would improve their sexual partnerships.
If you’re looking for tips on How to Get Your Wife to Have More Sex, follow mensgroup.com.
Factors that Affect the Average Number of Times You Have Sex
If you feel that you and your spouse are not having enough married sex, this can be due to a wide range of factors. It is worth noting that sex is a multi-dimensional experience that encompasses the mental, physical and emotional forms.
Outside factors that may negatively impact your sexual relationship and cause a lack of sex include:
- Stress about life or the relationship
- Changes in the body image and self-esteem
- Aging – older people have less sex
- Falling into a sexual routine that has become boring
- Health issues like menopause, erectile dysfunction, and others
- Lack of sexual communication
- Mismatched sex drives
- Reaction to medication
- Mental health issues
- Being busy with kids, family, or career
- Feeling unseen or unheard by your partner
When these factors go unnoticed or unaddressed for long, they eventually impact your sexual experience at home.
Read here on how to be a good husband.
How to Improve Your Sex Life with Your Spouse
Work on your intimacy
While men have no problem connecting through sex, most women seek emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy. If you feel that your connection has diminished, you need to start building it up again. You can foster an emotional connection by making quality time for the two of you, helping out with the kids or around the house, or doing things that bring you closer together.
You can create at least 10 to 15 minutes every day where you tell each other the highs and lows of your day. This undivided attention can help rekindle the connection between the two of you.
Start talking about your sexual fantasies and desires
To get your sex life back, you need to foster a sense of vulnerability and openness in your relationship. Start by talking to your spouse about your unexplored sexual fantasies and let her open up about hers. While she may not be ready to explore these fantasies yet, talking about them creates a form of intimacy and stimulation.
Plan date nights
If you cannot remember the last time you went on a date with your wife, this may be part of the problem. Helping your wife get back her sex drive involves dating her and making her feel special. Start putting in the effort to plan romantic dates and getaways and make them regular in your relationship. This kind of energy is sure to help her desire sex more.
Address underlying mental or physical health issues
If your wife’s low libido results from an underlying health issue, it is important to address it. Mental health issues such as anxiety, stress, and depression are known to lower sex drive in individuals and require treatment to improve the sex drive. Talking to a mental health professional or a women’s health doctor can help restore her well-being and sex drive.
It is also important to have medications for health conditions altered or balanced as an imbalance can also cause low libido.
Seek professional help
If you do all the above and still find that you and your partner are still experiencing a libido mismatch, it is advisable to seek the help of a professional about your relationship problems.
This can be a marriage counselor, sex therapy from a certified sex therapist, or a relationship therapist. Speaking with a professional can help you improve your communication and mindfulness for one another, learn how to schedule sex in your busy routines, and ultimately get back to a matched sex drive. Joining a support group for men like MensGroup can also be an ideal solution for you.
About MensGroup
If you are a man interested in spicing up your married sex life and enjoying the health benefits of sex, sometimes, talking to fellow married men is all the help you need.
Men’s Group is an online-based support group that gives you all the answers you seek pertaining to married sex life. On this men-only site, you will meet other men who have gone through what you are going through and managed to overcome the challenge.
Conclusion
How often do married couples have sex? The correct answer is as often as it feels right between them. If you want to improve how often you have sex with your partner, following the tips highlighted in this article and joining a support group are the best decisions you can make for your relationship.
If you are a man looking for guidance and support on married sex life, Men’s Group is the perfect place to get the advice, feedback, and support you need from fellow men who want to see you thrive and enjoy a happy marriage.
*Sources: 1. How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex? 2. How often do the happiest couples have sex? (It's less than you think) 3. How Often Do ‘Normal’ Couples Have Sex? 4. How often couples should have sex, according to 3 sex therapists 5. How much sex should couples have? Here's what experts say.
